Mom-Guilt
How am I supposed to enjoy myself, when the whole time, all I can do is feel bad about enjoying myself?
What I know is that mom-guilt is a REAL thing.
What I don’t know, is why my husband doesn’t have dad-guilt!
— Mark is an absolute saint, he makes it his priority to give me time alone whenever possible. But ladies, I gotta admit, it’s never enough.
He could give me the whole damn week to myself, but I’d spend all my time feeling so guilty, that I would never get the real enjoyment I deserve.
I mean, I see other mom’s out there and I wonder how they look so calm, collected, happy. Why are they not standing in the shampoo aisle looking like they are about to have explosive diarrhea, like me?
Is there a class that I don’t know about? A weekly class— that teaches moms how to work through their shit?
I’m really going to be pissed if there is. Because meanwhile, i'm at home, eating my feelings, and catching up on Greys...
”Do we all feel the guilt and just put on a happy face?”If so, HOW?"
When I left Eli for the first time, I went to get diapers with my mom. I asked her, “When does this feeling go away?”. She knew, exactly what I was referring to, and said, “Oh sweetie, it gets easier every time you leave the house without him.”.
Well let me tell ya this, I don’t leak breast milk when I leave my kids anymore, but for me, the guilt has never faded.
Do you know, what I would give to go to TJ Maxx and buy a bunch of shit just for me and leave?
Never once, worrying about my kids, never feeling guilty I wasn’t with them. Just me, enjoying my space and time alone.
Well, I can’t even do that!
I walk in and look at all the things; I start in the handbags, then the shoes and finally, I'm at the check out with only kids crap in the flippin’ cart. What the hell is wrong with me?
When I get home, my husband will ask how my time was , which is when I attempt to explain my guilt a man. He then, gives me a blank stare of confusion. So I ask, “Do you not feel the same way when you are without the kids?”. What I get in response is, “Hell no, you just can’t think about it, babe.”.
Don’t think about it?!
“Okay Mark, that’s totally doable! Why didn’t I come up with that? No problem at all! “
—Obviously, he has been taking those f*cking classes too!—
I can’t lie, i'll probably always have this guilt. It’s just become a part of my motherhood journey. But a little part of me is convinced, that this is all karma for what I said to that girl on the playground in second grade…
Im soooo sorry.