Smokin’ In The Basement

I fully understand why my mom used to smoke cigarettes in our basement when she said she was “doing laundry”.

At four years old,I would sit upstairs at our open laundry shoot asking my mom obnoxious “why’s” while she was actually just inhaling sanity into her day.

The poor woman had no escape!

Having two small kids the constant asking of “why’s” has been more soul sucking than pregnancy, sleepless nights with an infant and even explosive tantrums. At least there is an end to those stages, this stage may never end. WTF?!

How many times do I have to answer the same shit over and over again? I guess I could just ignore them, but I am supposed to be shaping young minds here. 

Whatever, it’s fine, I’ll just let my brain melt into mush while my kids suck the life out of me. 

Sometimes I sit in my bathroom, with the door locked, listening to my kids on the other side with their “why’s”. I hear my mom’s voice in my head, just like she said I would, “wait until you have kids, just you wait!”.

Mom, I love you more than you will ever know, especially now that I have kids of my own. I day dream of having a basement and a spare pack of P-funks to fall back on, just like you did. 

I want to thank you for your tolerance but also, thank you for your intolerance. Thank you for taking time for yourself and not always feeling that you needed to answer me. 

Who knew that a story about smoking would turn into a self care piece? 

I am learning the importance of taking time for myself from your example. I personally have not turned to smoking, but just allowing myself small amounts of time each day, has made a world of difference. 

Self care isn’t always hot yoga or a mani/pedi. Sometimes it’s pooping alone or a glass of wine at bedtime. Whatever it is, make sure it happens! 

Remember you DO NOT have to answer ALL the questions, but you DO need to take care of yourself Mama!